Sunday morning

I think Saturday was the most bittersweet day of my life. I got to spend time with my family and Bradley and we had a beautiful day with beautiful weather. But I knew it was my last day with them for a while. Every time I walked outside I was reminded that I won't feel the Oklahoma wind blow for four months and the only time I will see the sun is through glass nine stories high for a month.

The day went on and the realities sunk in hard that this transplant was coming whether I was ready for it or not. Brad and I went bowling and went to our Johnny Carino's then came home and played video games to try and enjoy our day together because no one is guaranteed a tomorrow.

I think the most memorable moment for me yesterday was when Brad had his arm around me and was playing with my hair. My real hair. My hair that stays on even if you tug on it. My short brown curly hair. It's really not that cute and is kind of at that awkward too long to be a pixie but too short to be anything else stage. So it's like my very own curly mullet. That I love. Sweet Brad ran his fingers through my curlies and didn't even realize he was doing it.

For cancer patients who have lost their hair multiple times (I'm a three timer) the state of your head is indicative to the state of.. all of you. New growth is a victory. Long hair means you haven't had chemo in a long time. And that is certainly a victory. But as Brad ran his fingers through my hair it was just another reminder that things were about to change again.

The next morning my mom and I packed our lives for the next four months into my Ford Fusion. I hugged and said goodbye to Hannah, my dad and Bradley and I felt the weight of their absence and they were still in my arms. I am so grateful to have the father that I have. I never doubt his love or willingness to sacrifice. I feel the warmth of his prayers for me and his hugs always say "I would take it from you if I could." I am so grateful to have a bone marrow match in Hannah. Perfect match. That's pretty much because there isn't anything Hannah does that isn't perfect. What a sacrifice both physically and emotionally to donate stem cells to your baby sister. And Bradley. Bradley is my smile, and my laugh. He is my best friend and my rock. He challenges me and is probably the only one that can get away with that on my hard days. He leads me and encourages me and I am so blessed to have him by my side on this journey. Gretchen stopped by for a little while again tonight and gave me a necklace that was the shape of Oklahoma and had a blue heart right in the middle. It also had an orange lightning bolt on it. How perfect.

And then there's Bub. My brother Dustin. He's deployed to Afghanistan now and I kind of feel like a jerk for being all torn up about four months when he will have been gone over twice that. He is so strong. What a role model. So now that you all are overly convinced with how incredible my family is, you see how hard it is to leave them behind to a place where hours drag and claw their way by. Where you eat three saltines and are like "wow I'm eating awesome today!" (Literally that happens). I know this sounds dramatic but anyone who has spent time away from their family knows that you can coast by until something happens and things get hard and then you can barely carry on without them. Knowing that and knowing there aren't days that coast by where I'm going, there are only days where I puke a little less and are a little less hard, makes leaving my family the hardest thing I have ever done. Anyway, we prayed together and on me and my sweet mom went.

It's morning, but it is dim. I had a feeling this whole day would be dim. It's starting to rain and I could feel the pressure of the sky and the inevitable on my shoulders. Literally, I felt it. Wrapped up in my blanket with my legs folded up underneath me, rested my head on the headrest and looked out the window. Constantly reminded I was leaving everything I knew and everyone I loved by the blind spot detector light on my side view mirror. Every car we passed, left behind, that stupid yellow light would blink. And then we would leave them behind and the light would turn off.

I don't know how this transplant will work out for me. I don't know the blessings or the complications I will face. But I do know that if I have to leave the majority of my family and loved ones for this long, I am going to fight as hard as I can to make it worth it.

9 comments (Add your own)

1. linda maxey wrote:
Lorelei,
What an inspiration you are. There is a reason all this is happening and only time will tell what that is. God has plans for you, and they are only good ones. I cannot imagine what kind of hell you are going through but to know you are making it through this is such an inspiration for others. I certainly know you are an inspiration for me. Thank you
God bless you sweet Lorelei.

Sun, July 28, 2013 @ 1:29 PM

2. Sherri Abercrombie wrote:
Lorelei,
As a mother who's 20 yr old daughter at OBU finished chemo and radiation 6 months ago. You are amazing courageous beautiful and faithfully committed as a child of God. He will walk you through each and every step of it you just have to remember even when it's hard. Be still and know that I am God and when you only see one set of footprints it is I that was carrying you. Prayers continue for your strength and resiliency during this trying time in life. You too will be on that survivor list soon!!!!

Sun, July 28, 2013 @ 2:39 PM

3. Dorothy Ford wrote:
My prayers are with you Lorelei as you start yet another step of this journey you are enduring.
Trust in The Lord with all thine heart. Be strong..

Sun, July 28, 2013 @ 6:13 PM

4. Shauna wrote:
You are so right about your family, they are all amazing!! I don't know if your Mom has told you the story, but when I was 32 weeks pregnant with my now 2 1/2 year old Parker, your amazing Mom forced the nurse to see if I was dialated. I was preclamptic and I was having very regular contractions. My husband was in Texas, on his way home in a hurry, and your Mom was the first person at the hospital with me :) the nurses were sure I was going home, until your Mom basically TOLD the nurse she was going to check me & then everything changed. Suddenly I was staying the night andbeing induced in the morning. If your amazing & sweet Mom hadn't been there, who knows what could have happened. We are praying for you everyday, & I know God is going to be so faithful in using your start of healing for his kingdom!! Hope this story about your Momma makes you smile :)

Sun, July 28, 2013 @ 6:52 PM

5. SSG Mark E. Brooks wrote:
Lorelei,
We have never be introduced but I know you are going through a great change in your life. I want you to know that you have always been in my prayers. I have also enlisted a Franciscan Friary that prays for your swift recovery multiple times a day. I pray for you every morning, noon, and night because I know the Lord will hear my prayer and watch over you. May God bless the doctors and nurses as they take care of you. Someday we will meet and I can personally thank you for being a truly inspirational person. God speed for a very successful outcome.

Mark, Kimberly's Husband.

Sun, July 28, 2013 @ 7:22 PM

6. wrote:
Never met you, but your an amazing young lady. Kick this bad boy cancer and move on to the next phase of your life. You have amazing support from family and friends and can and will kick cancer. Thoughts are with you and all your family.

Sun, July 28, 2013 @ 9:27 PM

7. Celeste Peterson wrote:
Your grandmother Connie is a dear friend of mine, and although we haven't seen you since she moved from Texas to Moline, we follow your story with awe, and follow up with prayer. Every day is a step towards your goal. That you willingly step forward into the tunnel ahead knowing what you know is pure strength of Spirit - your beautiful Spirit from God.

Mon, July 29, 2013 @ 11:50 AM

8. Celeste Peterson wrote:
Genesis 31:49 The LORD watch between me and thee, when we are absent one from another.
While my boys are away from me, I take great comfort in this verse and may you find some comfort there too.

Mon, July 29, 2013 @ 11:57 AM

9. Michelle moore wrote:
I have prayed for strength, healing, peace, wisdom and most of all that God will give the doctors the wisdom that is needed to get you in remission! You have prayers from all over Oklahoma. You are a beautiful example of showing God's love to the world with the trust and faith you hold on to. Keep holding on to God that created the universe and loves you like you we're the only child he had.

Tue, July 30, 2013 @ 1:13 AM

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